This is a sample of my new ebook. Who Am I?

It’s about a man who gets out of prison after being arrested for the murder of his child and the beating of his wife to miscarriage. He is a man who wants redemption. Who wants a change in his life. Even though all of his bad actions somehow had been influenced by one or all of the people in his life.

1. Hate Me

Two years! 

It felt like I was going to finally die there. I know it’s dramatic when other people have to spend up to seven to life in prison. But even this two years of mine is no joke. Listening to people being beaten. Almost being raped more than once. Had to fight for my place to the top. That being I had to do things I never thought I would do. But they helped me survive this far. And now I was home free. I couldn’t wait to see my daughter. Her birthday already passed meaning I have missed yet another one but no more again. I wanted her right in front of my eyes. I wanted to hear how she was pronouncing words. How she was doing at preschool?  Who were her friends? How many falls has she had? I wanted to know everything about my precious girl. Everything I had missed and so much more. 

I felt a tickle on my arm. Which pulled me out of my wonderful thoughts about my daughter. I side glanced the person responsible. Lizulu Thekwini. He only pulled his sly smirk. 

Me: Naughty person. 

Lizulu: Only for you. 

Lizulu is one of the very least people I came in jail liking. I knew him from before. Our village. He was the son of the nextdoor neighbour to our house. He was always so nice and accommodating. I remember him bringing extra food to school just because he had heard I had not eaten. I was proud back then. Think of what the others would say. If they found out that in all his wealth my father did not feed his family. Instead he fed all the women he went gallivanting and enjoying his money with. While my mother struggled to make ends meet. 

Lizulu wasn’t one of those neighbour kids who is they heard of saw something happening in my house will tell everyone at school the next morning. No not Lizulu. He was calm, down to earth and knew what to say and what not to. He didn’t think it was in his place to tell people what happened in my house. He wasn’t like that. He just cared enough to always bring the first aid kit when my mother was hurt. Back then mama didn’t want to go to the hospital. The village was small. So there was one hospital. Where she could bump into anyone. Even the doctors and nurses weren’t to be trusted when it came to village gossip. 

Lizulu annoyed the heck out of me then because he was so helpful. I hated feeling useless. And he made me feel that. After school I would stay and play soccer which would leave me feeling tired and exhausted. I would always catch Lizulu trying to carry my bag for me. Which I wouldn’t allow him to do no matter how many arguments he would come up with. And Lizulu was very argumentative. I always knew he’d end up being a lawyer. 

And how thankful I am for that right now. He was framed and arrested for a crime he didn’t do. Just because there was someone who wanted revenge on him because he got their son arrested. And jailed to life imprisonment. He wasn’t going to be there for long. Since he already had an entire law firm workings on release. But then he saw me. 

I remember his shock. My shock. We hadn’t seen each other in seven years. We had gone our separate ways long before college. But it was then that we had met again. Then after that we never bothered each other. 

Lizulu: What are you doing here? 

Me: I could ask you the same thing. 

Lizulu was never a troublemaker. So I knew for a fact that it had to be something else that put him there. 

He had told me everything about how he ended up there and I told him how I got there too. 

Lizulu didn’t believe it. 

Lizulu: (shaking his head violently) Never. Not the Ndiya I know. Never. I won’t believe it. You could never hit any woman. Not to even talk of anyone. 

Me: People change. 

Lizulu: Not that much. 

Me: Situations. They get us in these ugly and unlike ourselves predicaments. 

Lizulu: You seem very regretting. 

Me: I do! I don’t know what happened Lizulu everything just amounted in me raising my hand and just hitting her. I tried so hard to restrain myself. But I couldn’t for much longer. I lost control. 

Lizulu was silent for a little while looking at the cell bars we were both locked in with. He was like this. When told something he could not understand he just froze. 

Lizulu: ( after a while) You should have gone to therapy. You and your wife. 

Me: Yes. I should have. We should have. We wouldn’t be in this situation now. She wouldn’t be in a hospital because of me and I wouldn’t be in a jail because of her. 

*

Lizulu from that day promised to help me out with getting me out of there. And he did. He freed me. Now I was off to see my darling daughter. Kuluthando. 

Lizulu had told me to first go freshen up in his house before I went to see her.  But I was impatient. I wanted to see how she had grown. 

The minute the car drove to the front of the house that I had bought when I married Buhle my stomach started to be froth. It couldn’t decide whether to be excited that I was seeing my little girl after not seeing her for two whole years. Then there was a side that wanted me to run far away. I still had the guilt of hurting her mother. 

Lizulu gripped my hand. His eyes promising a good day. 

Lizulu: You are going to be alright. 

Me: How come you’re so sure? You don’t know Buhle’s character. 

Lizulu: I think I do. Either way you are here for your daughter not her. You have every right to see your child. 

Me: What if she doesn’t let me see her? Doesn’t she have the right to refuse me the right to my child? 

Lizulu: No. Stop stalling yourself. 

Me: (breathe in and out) Okay let’s go. 

We both got out of the car. I still took deep breaths as I walked to the door. I remember that I had it installed myself. Painted it by myself. 

Lizulu: I’ll wait here for you. 

Me: Why? 

Lizulu: Because you have to do this by yourself. You don’t need me there. 

I guess he was right. I nodded going to the door. 

I knocked at it. Two times. I was about to try the knob but the door opened. Not by Buhle but by Hlengiwe her sister. I didn’t like the girl. She didn’t like me either. 

Hlengiwe: Am I seeing ghosts or something? What are you doing here? 

Me: Get out of my way. 

Hlengiwe: No-no bra. If you think you’re gonna do your jail bird smarts on me then you have the wrong address because I will whip you so hard! 

Me: Hlengiwe please get out of my way. I want to see my daughter. 

Hlengiwe: Such happiness! You get to see your daughter wena after what you did. 

Me: I’m here to fight. 

Hlengiwe: Obviously you’re not here to fight because you’d be in a body bag now. (Sucks her teeth) Nxe!

She moved away from the doorway. Letting me in. Finally! 

I got into the house. The first place I saw was the red carpet on the floor. That was new. My floor was wooden. And maybe it still was underneath this carpet. 

Hlengiwe: Did you really do it? 

Me: ( scoff) So you don’t believe your sister now? 

Hlengiwe: (looks away from me) She’s my sister. Of course I’ll believe her but maybe she got it wrong. Maybe she thought it was you but it wasn’t. 

Me: Well it was me. I was the one. Not any mistakes. 

Hlengiwe: Why? Ndiyabonga you are not a person like that. Why would you hit her like that? She almost died! (Shakes her head unbelieving) The Ndiyabonga I knew would rather take a bullet for Buhle than see her die. 

Me: (feeling the emotions) I let anger take over me. I let it destroy me. If I could replay the moments I would have been the better man and then walked away. 

Hlengiwe: Why didn’t you? Why didn’t you act like the better man and walk away? 

Me: I don’t know. 

Hlengiwe: You did it. How can you not know what you did?! 

I took in deep breaths. 

Me: Hlengiwe please do not interrogate me. I’m here for Kuluthando. 

Hlengiwe: So you can show her what kind of messed up father you are? Bra you just got out of prison. Surely you haven’t fixed your head to be able to act with people. 

Me: ( closed my eyes) Where are they? It’s obvious that they aren’t here. 

Hlengiwe: And you think I’m going to tell you? 

Me: Hlengiwe you might hate me but you won’t keep me away from my daughter. 

Hlengiwe: This has nothing to do with hate. Ndiyabonga I thought they told you. But it’s apparent that they didn’t. 

My heart went faster. 

Me: Please don’t tell me something happened to her. Please don’t. 

Hlengiwe: No. Nothing like that. 

Me: (relieved sigh) Okay then. 

Hlengiwe: Kuluthando is overseas with her grandmother. 

Me: Her grandmother? 

Hlengiwe: Your mom took her from here when Buhle was still in the hospital. She hasn’t been here since well two years ago.